Paleo 101

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Army thoughts

I think days like today I'll miss the most. I spent an entire day doing things with complete strangers to achieve a common goal. Just the ability for the military to cut through any diversity to accomplish a mission is amazing to me.

 

BACK TO "NORMAL"

 So here goes nothing. I should start out by saying I've never been diagnosed with PTSD because I never took the Army's offer to see a professional after each of my deployments (like most troops I just wanted to get home ASAP so I checked all the boxes that would get me home the fastest, I guess we'll see in the future if that was a mistake on my part). I do not feel any violent or suicidal thoughts. With that said I have felt totally alone and awkward upon my return to my hometown.

I went to Iraq the first time from 08'-09' it was an experience that changed how I viewed life. Things that I thought were important back home weren't so important and the things that really mattered like family, friends and the things you hold dearest got really important when they are a million miles away. I focused on the mission and my friends around me.

Me at Al-Faw Palace

  When my year in Iraq was up, it was a tough transition. It was as if I was doing something pretty substantial in life that had a level of meaning to coming home and being left with nothing. It was a hard adjustment to say the least. I had no idea how to tell family and friends what it was like over there, or feeling as if they didn't care. I felt angry that people didn't understand where I was coming from but at the same time I wouldn't want them to go through something like deploying to a war. So my anger turned into not doing much but just spending most of my day secluded for about 3 months till I actually started participating in society. The only reason I think that happened was the need to pay bills because my military pay I had saved for a year had started dwindling after about 90 days. So for another 60 days it was basically work, sleep, stay in my room and occasionally drink at the bar alone not much of a life. At the same time trying to keep that part hidden from my daughter and family and pretended everything was ok.

 I had a second opportunity to serve my country back in Iraq. I knew that if I made it out this time I would do it different. My first deployment I was introduced to Crossfit but I feel like I didn't embrace it as I could have because I wasn't ready for it, but I felt like it was something different and special but didn't really know what to do with it. So this deployment I knew I wanted to focus on myself and how others see me. My deployment was full of  boredom and seconds of terror. The one thing that kept my head on straight besides my buddies was working out. I made the gym part of my routine, when I felt like there where things I couldn't control, which was often being on the other side of the globe. The gym was the one place I could find my "happy" place.

A day at the range in Al Najaf, Iraq

This last deployment I felt that the more I accomplished in the gym the more I accomplished outside of the gym. I never felt that my time in the gym took away from my time in other areas of my life. If anything it improved it, I feel more focused, more attentive to detail, in general just more energetic to take on any of the days challenges.

Working on my Olympic snatch

So here I am back home, I'm in the best shape I've been.... I think ever. I have loving family that I never really appreciated till I started appreciating myself. I found the woman of my dreams, I strongly believe that crossfit has a big part to do with my spiritual, mental and physical alignment that even made me ready to date let alone find love.

My extended family 

Do I think crossfit cures PTSD... I'm not I psychologist so that's not for me to say, but for me it's giving me so much more and made me feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself that I hope to pass it along.