I Double Dog Dare You

I dare you to do something that is uncomfortable. I double dog dare you, now you can't back down!

My observation of hundreds of people doing small things everyday outside their comfort zone leads me to believe this is how you build grit. With each exercise in sheer will and determination comes a strengthening of character, even if you fail.

I believe the gain in failure out weighs that in success. How far can one truly go without risk of failing? Once you reach that point you can regroup and attack it again with courage and resolve!

Even in those moments you are down, and can't pick yourself back up, I know that if you look up someone will be there to help you up. So what do you have to lose, get out there and do something that scares you a little, I dare you!

Too... (Challenge Day 3)

Something I battle with daily is talking negatively about myself. This negative talk usually shows up in the form of I am too and fill in the blank.

When I was younger it was mostly I'm too fat or too slow. I realized later on, that I wasn't too anything, just really scared of trying.

That fact doesn't stop me from sometimes using that phrase to make excuses for myself. I never started college cause I thought myself to be too dumb... again I feared trying.

My fear of trying has really been a fear of failing. Recently I've been trying to change that.

I completely and utterly failed Calculus 2 a few terms ago! I knew quickly that I would not pass this class, but maybe if I stuck with it I might learn something.

So I didn't drop the course instead took notes, bombed tests and asked questions. After the term I got a letter from the school, warning I could be expelled if I failed again. That letter crushed me, again I felt I was too old and too dumb for school.

Then I took a chance and enrolled for Calc 2 again, this time I got a C! By far the most proud of any grade I have ever gotten.

My point is you are not your preconceived notions of yourself, there isn't a picture  of you in a dictionary with a clear cut definition! You are an infinite amount of possibilities and anything is possible even in the face of adversity. So don't be afraid to be too great! 

Rough times have not come to stay, they have come to pass!

Fear and doubt gets a hold of us all, it can be a dream killer. It's an ugly infectious dieses that for the most part is held at bay with a strong mind, just as our body has it's immune system to fight it's battles against dieses. Although there are times fear and doubt might overwhelm us, and if we fail it's easy to give up. Greatness isn't reserved for the few and privileged, the greatest have faced fear and fear might have knocked them flat on their ass, but they refused to stay there, they got up over and over again.

There are times we have to prescribe our own medication to help us fight fear to remove doubt. Maybe the Rx is reading a book, separating your self from negative people, putting your phone away, going to back to school, hell it could even be getting up on time, whatever the case maybe you have to face that fear, and say that failure is a chance to do it again but stronger.

When you feel like you just can't bear one more failure, when the load gets to heavy to bear, when you can't take one more step... this is the time to move forward and separate your self and be the best you, you can be. Not everyone will see or understand your struggle, people will doubt you, careful not to let them infect you with, their opinions of you is not your reality. You must see your dream for yourself no one else can do it for you.

I dare you to challenge yourself, become an individual, invest in yourself and invest in your dream. The world will never be the same cause you showed up! Greatness is not for special people, you have to believe you are great. Define your value and you will hold fear and doubt in it's place. You can live your dream!




I remeber fear and doubt creeping in at this moment, I could hear the people that cared about me in the background urging me to pick up the bar. I'll never forget that moment.

 

BACK TO "NORMAL"

 So here goes nothing. I should start out by saying I've never been diagnosed with PTSD because I never took the Army's offer to see a professional after each of my deployments (like most troops I just wanted to get home ASAP so I checked all the boxes that would get me home the fastest, I guess we'll see in the future if that was a mistake on my part). I do not feel any violent or suicidal thoughts. With that said I have felt totally alone and awkward upon my return to my hometown.

I went to Iraq the first time from 08'-09' it was an experience that changed how I viewed life. Things that I thought were important back home weren't so important and the things that really mattered like family, friends and the things you hold dearest got really important when they are a million miles away. I focused on the mission and my friends around me.

Me at Al-Faw Palace

  When my year in Iraq was up, it was a tough transition. It was as if I was doing something pretty substantial in life that had a level of meaning to coming home and being left with nothing. It was a hard adjustment to say the least. I had no idea how to tell family and friends what it was like over there, or feeling as if they didn't care. I felt angry that people didn't understand where I was coming from but at the same time I wouldn't want them to go through something like deploying to a war. So my anger turned into not doing much but just spending most of my day secluded for about 3 months till I actually started participating in society. The only reason I think that happened was the need to pay bills because my military pay I had saved for a year had started dwindling after about 90 days. So for another 60 days it was basically work, sleep, stay in my room and occasionally drink at the bar alone not much of a life. At the same time trying to keep that part hidden from my daughter and family and pretended everything was ok.

 I had a second opportunity to serve my country back in Iraq. I knew that if I made it out this time I would do it different. My first deployment I was introduced to Crossfit but I feel like I didn't embrace it as I could have because I wasn't ready for it, but I felt like it was something different and special but didn't really know what to do with it. So this deployment I knew I wanted to focus on myself and how others see me. My deployment was full of  boredom and seconds of terror. The one thing that kept my head on straight besides my buddies was working out. I made the gym part of my routine, when I felt like there where things I couldn't control, which was often being on the other side of the globe. The gym was the one place I could find my "happy" place.

A day at the range in Al Najaf, Iraq

This last deployment I felt that the more I accomplished in the gym the more I accomplished outside of the gym. I never felt that my time in the gym took away from my time in other areas of my life. If anything it improved it, I feel more focused, more attentive to detail, in general just more energetic to take on any of the days challenges.

Working on my Olympic snatch

So here I am back home, I'm in the best shape I've been.... I think ever. I have loving family that I never really appreciated till I started appreciating myself. I found the woman of my dreams, I strongly believe that crossfit has a big part to do with my spiritual, mental and physical alignment that even made me ready to date let alone find love.

My extended family 

Do I think crossfit cures PTSD... I'm not I psychologist so that's not for me to say, but for me it's giving me so much more and made me feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself that I hope to pass it along.